Gettign Organzied and Growing Towards a Purpose

Please forgive the very long time since I last wrote an article. The last time I had much to say was in August when Don Bayliss died.  Since that time, I have been living life and gaining experience to give fuel to my actions. Death came to the people around me again. As I age, the death of friends will happen more and more to me and to others of my age group. Soon, and far too soon for preference sake, it will be a time of only memories of those who have died before me.

The funeral for Don was fantastic. I knew he was a focused man and a moving in his and others lives. I did not know how many people he had affected. Don has shown me, even in his death, that there is more to what we can do each day than what we thought possible. Energy and action needs organization and a goal. I am without a goal and an organization to get me to that goal.

My goal, even my purpose in life, is something that I cannot place in my mind or on paper. The closer I get to “My Purpose” the more powerful something inside of me blocks me. I am preventing myself from saying, speaking, writing, claiming My Purpose in my own life.  It is as if my own life is terrified of who my Life really can be.

If I had to place myself in a category, a place, or a path it would be that of a teacher. I have always worked hard with people to get them to a higher level. I have more often made myself a nuisance to these people. I think most of them wanted a quick fix to their current issue or problem. Some just wanted attention from another person. None of them wanted a change to their life and way of thinking and acting. You cannot change the person because they do not want or are able to change what they are. What a teacher does is gives the student information and the path to use that information on and guidance if it is asked by the student.

Americans, as a people, have had horrible experiences while being a student the use of the title, Student, is not a welcome one. Americans hate the idea of being a student as it means that they are out of control of their lives.

Here is what I see in myself and what I see in others: “I do not want to change who I am, I just want the power to change others.”

It is change that I need. I have wanted out of this place in my life for years. The economy and my commitment to paying for my son’s college have focused me into staying where I am in life. Sometimes I think that God or Jesus just wants me to be where I am in life to do or be something. My dear mother thinks I need to learn something.

I know that a little more opportunity and movement is what I want and need in my life. I see my life as one of a soldier in a wood surrounded by enemy and fighting off the enemy to stay alive. The enemy is surrounding me and I have less and less of a chance to get away. What happens when I lose? Is it capture and humiliation or death for me? I did not want a battle for my life. I wanted a walk in the woods and calm reflection. I now have bullets passing my head and heart that are getting closer and closer.

Death, for Don Bayliss and for me, is something that I have grown up around. The end is not here yet. I can change and grow. Is the battle the purpose of my life? The fight is easier than the struggle with a purpose.

Purpose in a battle:

• to win
• to lose
• to be captured
• to kill
• to not be killed
• to run away

Purpose in alife:

• to grow
• to make a better world
• to live an honorable life
• to seek and obtain glory and fame
• to live a life that I create for myself.

I am not living a life at this time all I am doing is spending time.  I need more connection in life with others to drive me forward.

Connection is what will move me forwards.

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